It’s been a while since I’ve sat and penciled in a blog post or mailed out to followers. I felt it was time to explain myself, though I don’t really think you need an explanation if you have been marketing online for any length of time.
Our days have a way of escaping us, without much resistance. When you are a product creator, the process tends to interfere with our timetable, but there are other reasons this happens, too.
The Deed
Three weeks ago, my mentor told me it was time to settle down and get my product creation in order. She wanted me to decide on a product and get it finished. Unsure of which one to choose, I offered a survey in several places on Facebook.
I asked you and many others what I should focus on. It didn’t take long to get an answer! Thanks to your input, I knew the podcasting product was first on the agenda. I set out to buckle down to let the writing and video recording commence.
Personal Interruptions
During this same time, I was working on my relationship with my daughter. It had been almost 10 years since we had spoken to each other and I wasn’t very happy with the situation.
Nothing is right with the world when we are in disagreement with our loves ones. Even though I kept telling myself that it did not matter – I knew better. Distance is something that eats away at your soul.
The mending started in November of 2013 but didn’t come full circle until January of 2014. We are still working on it, but it takes time.
With that said, this mending process is also casting a shadow on my production schedule. It is a game of tug of war, sometimes. Do I stop for a day and give her attention or do I tell her my work takes priority?
As a mother, I missed 10 years of quality time with my daughter. As a business owner and Internet leader, I made promises to you and others that I would like to keep.
The Disappearing Act
So now you know the reason why I have been absent from the blog. The opportunities to write to you are limited these days. I aim to fix that, but I know you are excited about the podcast tutorial, too.
I am continuously writing for the tutorial, but I also take time away from it to spend with my daughter and grandchildren. This is something I’ve missed terribly during the last 10 years.
I’m doing the best I can, juggling my writing time against the opportunities to take care of personal relationships.
Eventually it will all work out for the best, but I thought it was important to keep you informed of the situation. I care what you think – you are my dear friend, but I also want my daughter to know I am there for her, too.
If you have any advice to share, I welcome the opportunity to hear it.
What do you do when personal issues interrupt your workflow? Leave a comment below and let me know.
Thanks for reading,
– Bonnie
P.S. Did you enjoy this message? If so, please share it with your friends so they can benefit from schmoozing. Then, if you want to get more messages like this one, connect with me via my social links below or hop aboard my notification list. I would like to keep in touch.
Bonnie, I stopped by your blog yesterday and came across this post. I’m just coming off of an absence of 3-months. I get down on myself upon returning and know I need a better system in place when I have sick days (months).
I think prioritizing your daughter and grandchild is necessary. I just faced the fact that my days are fleeting and I may not be her ‘tomorrow’ to take care of the things or do the things I put off. We all do this, it’s life.
I’m amazed at the support you have here in your comments.
I think as solopreneurs/freelancers we need to talk about the down times, when absences whether for illness or private matters come up.
I know I’m really late on this, last I visited your blog you and your daughter were still estranged. I’m so happy to read that you are working on it together.
Hi Sara,
So nice to see you’re back at the keyboard. Days are “touch and go” here, even though I shared the post back in February 2014. I’ve come a long way in regards to making amends with the daughter, but I’ve also learned that I didn’t know her as well as a mother should. 🙂
I’m also going to check my WordPress settings because I didn’t see this message until I received a new one in my mailbox today from someone else. Apparently, there’s mud in the works that’s slowing notices down a bit. LOL
Thanks, Bonnie. I know it is an older post, but when I came back from my illness, somehow this popped into my view. I don’t even remember who shared it. It was a much-needed comfort at the time.
Hi Sara,
I’m glad someone managed to share a post with you that “made you feel” better. We all need a friend like that in our lives. 🙂
I forgot to come by and read your post a long time ago when I left my post in a chain. So I finally remembered and came by, and I’m so glad I did. You are so good at what you do in the blogging world, but your daughter absolutely comes first. I am so glad that you are being able to spend some time with her and your grandchildren! That’s come first. We’ll understand and wait–and if people don’t, then they don’t understand what is most important in life. As I’m trying to get my blogs off the ground, I have to remember this too. So what if my blog are successful someday yet I have lost my kids. I will pray for you.
Hi Tammy – thanks for returning to the blogging chain and visiting my post. 🙂
Your prayers are appreciated. Thanks for backing up my need to make amends with mu daughter!
I’m very belatedly catching up with my email and had no idea you were going through such a time as this. I very strongly feel family comes first – I learned the hard way not to put other things ahead of family. Hope all is working out for you as you rebuild your relationships with your daughter and grandchildren. God bless you and hope you are doing okay.
Don’t feel bad, Edie – I fell behind more than once this month.
The daughter relationship is getting better. Now I need to focus on my health, which I hope is cleared up soon! I can’t stand the waiting game. 🙂
Bonnie Gean, I have not been following your blog for long, but I received your ebook “How to Build Your Tribe in 30 Days or Less”, and was impressed by the quality of this book and how helpful it was! I’m sure you are devoted to your tribe here on the net, and it is apparent they totally understand your need to make amends with your daughter. I feel too, that family should always come first and I respect you for openly sharing with everyone.
I hope your relationship with your daughter will gradually improve over time until full restoration has taken place.
Rose
Thanks Rose! I’m confident that the relationship is back on the road to recovery. Now… if only I could say the same thing about my health! 🙁
All good things in time, I suppose.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate hearing from you!
So glad for you both, Bonnie. Great post and you’ve gotten some great comments too.
I’ve recently started communicating with my mother again, but we still have a ways to go.
Enjoy the time with your daughter. All three of mine live in another state, so I don’t get to enjoy them very often.
Yes, the people have really rallied together to share their thoughts and I appreciate every one of them, including yours! It’s been a while since you’ve visited so it’s nice to chat with you again.
Glad to hear that things are going well with your mother. I hope they improve to your satisfaction! Stop by now and then to let me know how you are doing!
Bonnie, I have no idea how you manage to give so much at the best of times. Now here you are explaining a time out to readers… I almost want to wallop you 🙂
I’m so pleased things are working out between you and your daughter. It’s fabulous news! Enjoy every second 🙂
I don’t believe I ever had the chance to get a wallop. Is that the same thing as a smack upside the head? ROFL
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I am so glad to be talking to my daughter again and I hope the relationship continues on a smooth path. 🙂
Hi. Basically it means to give someone a smack!! LOL
Oh wow.. someone wants to smack me. ROFL
Thanks for clarifying, Ann!
Hi Bonnie. I am so pleased that you are trying to work things out with your daughter. I only have one daughter too and we are, fortunately, very close. Family are very important. My sisters son has stopped talking to her recently and she is devastated especially as he has two children.
Take all the time you need. As the others have said perhaps a short post from time to time to keep us up to date.
Hugs.
Thanks Ann. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends and followers who understand the importance of family before business.
As recently posted, I will continue to work alongside the opportunities to spend time with my daughter. I haven’t forgotten about your button request. 🙂
Hi Bonnie,
I’m glad to hear that you’re working to resolve issues with your daughter and are now spending more time together. Life is short and family is precious. I pray you’ll both renew your love and friendship with one another.
I think when we share personal things with those who follow us or are on our list, they’re aware of what’s going on with us and why we might be absent. I completely understand why you haven’t been front and center. We your fans do come to rely on you and having you share great information with us. We know you’re working hard behind the scenes and prioritizing things that matter the most.
Thanks for letting us know what’s going on and I look forward to your Podcast product once it’s released.
Take care!
This is one of the reasons I wanted to make amends, Cynthia. My health has been deteriorating for the last couple of years, and you just never know when the end is near.
I lost my mother while she and I were fighting. I don’t want my daughter to have to live through the same anguish I did when mom passed on.
I haven’t stopped working on Podcast KickStart, but there are moments when I take a break to spend time with the daughter. Normally I wouldn’t take any breaks, but spending time with her is a necessity.
I am grateful that you and others understand the plight I’m going through right now, and I look forwar4d to getting back on track when the home front is in balance. 🙂
Family ALWAYS comes first. What’s the point to working hard if you can’t enjoy time with your family?
Honestly I still panic when I’m trying to juggle too many things to do. Sometimes I do fantastic, otherwise I just flounder.
In the end it takes more planning. I agree with one of the other commenters. If you want to keep in touch, do smaller blog posts or do short vlogs.
I like the idea of shorter blog posts and vlogs. It’s been a while since I’ve done vlogging. Something else always comes up, but that’s about to change because in March, I am offering another video blogging challenge. People are asking for it, so why not?
How are you doing Amanda? You seem to disappear as often as I do. 🙂
I’m doing pretty well. I’ve been keeping up with a lot of my work but since I haven’t been blogging I’m not as visible. That’s changing though too! I really want to start vlogging again but first I need to fix this netbook screen issue.
I hope you can fix the netbook screen issue before March! It would be wonderful to have you partake in the March vlogging challenge with us!
I’m not going to deal with working from home any longer than I have to. I just feel myself drain of creativity if I don’t get out often enough, you know? I sent out an email with a PLR discount code and offered some writing spots to raise money and so far it’s looking like I should be able to order the new screen on Monday provided the people who reserved 2/3 slots go through with the writing they emailed me about.
That’s wonderful news, Amanda! I am so glad to hear your offer went well! You need to get more use out of the Blue Yeti you bought last year, so this is the perfect opportunity for you to couple that with the fixed notebook and join in on some video blogging! I miss hearing from you!
Hi Bonnie,
I don’t ever post, but this is something I have gone through. After the death of my husband, my kids thought I didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t do anything right. I guess they’d been told that so many times they really believed it. I stood my ground and kept up the business and told them that they had to get out on their own and make their own lives, I was too young to just retire.
Four of the six barely talked to me and when they did it wasn’t nice.
What I did….I just made up my mind that I was not going to act like them. I was going to treat them as my children, not say too much when they were around, not criticize, try to talk about their good points. I sent flowers on my daughters birthday (she wasn’t even talking to me at the time), but I thought this is what I would do if we had a good relationship so that’s what I did in spite of it.
I let them know that I was always here and was not going anywhere. One went through treatment and when he finally called I just went to help and didn’t ask questions, just offered help. I just tried to joke around and make it seem like we hadn’t had any differences.
It wasn’t easy, but I knew, even if they acted like they didn’t care or understand, that they really did or would eventually. Guess what..after quite a few years they have all come around!
I’m not good at in depth things, feelings, emotional kinds of things as I tend to cry and I don’t want to do that with them because it just makes me and them feel worse. So, like I said, I just treat them like nothing has happened, they are still my children, I will always be here for them, only offer help if they need or ask for it, and don’t say too much if/when they say or do something that you don’t like. They know it and when you don’t say anything it has more impact than if you do. Sometimes you just have to smile and pretend you didn’t hear the thing that upsets you. They WILL get the hint!
Try to do things that make you both laugh, it makes things less tense. Sometimes I have to think of things as a life or death situation…if it’s not life or death, try to forget it and move on, this too shall pass.
I was afraid I would say something wrong so I did a lot of smiling!
You can do this! Don’t make everything emotional, just have some fun!
Hope this helps!
Thank you so much for the wonderful write up. I found myself shaking my head (more than once) over the similarities in our lives.
It sounds as if you’re making headway with your children, after so many years. I’m happy for you!
I can be emotional at times; when the daughter cries first, I usually follow. It’s never a good time to discuss certain issues when we’re in a crying mood. It just makes us both feel miserable.
I’m all for the “do things that make us laugh” together. Sounds much more productive then arguing and crying over matters.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I know it took time to write all that out and I appreciate the time you’ve spent with me! I wish there were more people in the world who were more willing to open their hearts and share the love!
Bless you!
Oh Bonnie! I absolutely adore you, I really do. I can relate with you so much on this and actually…I rather loved learning something a bit on the personal side about you.
As everyone has already said, family should always come first, but you’re like me, and it’s hard to always keep that in mind. Since I had my baby girl in December 2012 I have especially struggled with this. I want to work on my business so much and I don’t want to let them people reading my blog down by neglecting it. But then…she comes up to me with her big blue eyes and wants me to come play tea party. It really pulls at you in all directions.
I’ve really had to teach myself that while I love all my readers, they don’t know that I’m sitting in my living room in my pj’s, snuggled up on the floor with a pillow and a blanket and watching A Turtles Tale for the 10th time this week and loving every minute of it. They don’t know that I’m putting them off to be with the love of my life. They only take notice when I post something. And that’s how we are with you my friend. Do what you have to do. Take care of yourself and family first. We will still be here when you’re ready to share yourself with us again. 🙂
Well girlfriend, if you like learning stuff about me – I invite you to read
http://www.bonniegean.com/30-snippets-you-may-not-know-about-me/
I can relate. While my daughter is far from being a toddler, she still has blue eyes that can tear at my heart. 🙂 Obviously, with her, all it takes is a phone call or a Facebook email and I’m there. LOL
You mean you aren’t sitting there with baited breath waiting for my next blog post? OMG, what am I doing wrong? >:)
Awe, Misty… You’re going to make me break down and cry. You’re so understanding and I appreciate the fact that you poured your heart out to me, too! Thank you!
Woman, you know in your heart that your girl comes first. And we as readers, followers and friends give full support to that decision!
I put my sweetheart’s family first for 3 months and my business got put on hold. Without a lot of detail (I’ve shared part of it with you privately), my other half chose to move out with them last month.
Am I sorry I helped them or gave up my business time for them? No. Because I will always know that I put forth all my effort to make things better for them. I knew when I told them to come that it was a risk to our relationship. But his grandbabies deserved better, regardless of what might happen with the two of us.
So, keep that in mind for those nearby naysayers who worry that your daughter may have ulterior motives. She might. But in the big scheme of things, you’ll never know if you don’t make the effort and put yourself out there.
Shorter posts are a great idea… even if they’re Twitter length!! 🙂 Take care of you and your family. We’ll all be here.
It’s always nice to hear other people telling you to cater to family first, even though as mothers – that’s exactly what we are going to do.
I didn’t like hearing that your partner left with the others. 🙁 I’m sure you all thought it was best, but that definitely wasn’t an easy decision. If you need me, you know how to email me!
Thanks for being in my corner, Debi. It means more to me than worse could express! In the same manner, know that I am always here for you too. It doesn’t have to be a life-changing experience for you to email me. I love hearing from you!
Hi Bonnie,
Indeed family always comes first because they will be forefront on your mind anyway. Focus on mending your mother / daughter relationship and you’ll feel so much better in so many ways.
Maybe you’re already doing so, but I find when my thoughts are preoccupied and I need to work, I try to close myself off from all interruptions and write out what I need to wrap my head around. That when thoughts start drifting, I look over my notes and get my focus back.
All the best to you!
You are right, Marilyn. There were days, before the mending started, where I couldn’t function because I kept reverting back to thoughts of her. My focus wasn’t attentive to the business and it was hard getting the smallest of tasks completed.
Even now, I have offline friends warning me to be careful. They feel her intentions might not be what they seem. Needless to say, I don’t want people giving me more worries. I need assurance that I am moving in the right direction. 🙂
I am certain now that we are talking, work will be much easier to finish. If not, your advice will surely help me regain focus. Thank you!
Hi Bonnie
Definitely put your daughter and loved ones before us! I am also pretty absent these days because I’m having to put “the day-job” before IM as that’s what pays the bills. I also lost a full month in December because of personal issues (a happy wedding) followed by illness which wasn’t helped by trying to keep everything on the go at once.
My son and I have grown much closer of late (particularly since he presented me with a grand-daughter) which is wonderful. Sadly they live too far away for me to see much of them, but I’m working flat out to get the current crisis out of the way so that I can go see them.
As Linda comments, housework is definitely last on my list. That’s something I HAPPILY out-source, and it gets done far better than I would do it myself!
Good luck with your relationship with your daughter and keep up the good (relationship) work. The rest of us can take our place in the queue.
Joy
Sounds like you have your hands full too, Joy. Congratulations on the new grand-daughter! You must be very happy!
I believe housework is last on everybody’s list. ROFL – Yes, even on mine!
Thank you for being so understanding and sharing a bit of your life with me. I appreciate hearing from you and I am grateful for your guidance.
I just wanted to tell you that I have been through a similar situation with my sons and now back in touch after a similar amount of time . It is so refreshing that is hard to put in to words the feeling you get when you are re-acquainted with your first born, and there is nothing better than that.
I for one totally understand!
Thanks for all your hard work for us!
Thanks Logan. I’m sitting here with a smile on my face after learning that you have mended a broken relationship with your sons. You must be sitting on top of the world right about now. 🙂
I know when I left the daughter’s house the first night, I doubted we would be able to move beyond our past differences. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. We have quite a journey ahead of us, but I am confident we will overcome our previous setbacks.
She is an only child, so it breaks my heart that so much time has gone by without a resolution. Each of us too stubborn to make the first move. She definitely takes after her mother! LOL
I appreciate your understanding. It means so much to me!
You’re welcome. I LOVE helping you so if there is anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask!
Babies first always 🙂 Work when you can. Your loyal fans will understand and support you in that!
The emails and blog comments overwhelm my emotions. I find myself sitting here crying while reading some of them.
My loyal fans are showing their true colors. I now know what you must feel like when they all rally behind you. It’s wonderful knowing so many people “care” what happens to you – in business and in life.
Thanks for the advice, Tiff!
First, I want to applaud you for asking for help. That takes courage and shows a commitment to making things better. Here are some of my ideas based on familiarity with these issues.
1) Quality time is not quantitative. Even if you set aside 1 hour of quality time with your daughter that is better than 3 hours of chatter. It’s what you cover in that quality hour that counts.
2) Improve your communications by targeting your goals and objectives. Let’s say your goal is to be a listening ear for your daughter’s feelings. You can set up your 1 hour of talk about feelings. You can keep up with updates about the children and other issues through “quickie” emails or a personal blog just for you and your daughter. (she can load up pictures, let you know what happened during the day or week and things like that.)
3. End each quality session on a positive note: “I love you….” I want your to know I’m always thinking about you”, “yes, I’ll do such and such. No matter how tense some discussions may be end the sessions on a positive note.
4. Although it can be difficult, try to listen to feelings without judging or critique. Set that as a goal “with” your daughter. During your hour(for sake of example) decide what you want to discuss and listen to the feelings. Don’t try to explain away the feelings. There is nothing better than sharing feelings without judgement. Sometimes you need a counselor to help you to learn how to explore feelings and separate the exploration of feelings from making decisions. Google Healthy communication techniques the skill of I messages.
5. Have a project that both of you can do that is fun and can be shared with each other. For instance a free blog (it can be private) with updates and pictures of the children. There’s a magazine called Artful blogging that has great ideas of how to share pictures online. I would have sent a link but the blog plugin wouldn’t allow. You can google it. Maybe this can be your ongoing online project and used when you have a quick break and you want to share a quickie picture and a meaningful blog post with your daughter and grandchildren. For example if they like ice cream. Maybe upload a picture of an ice cream sundae and a message for all of them to see.
I hope these comments will give you some ideas on how to structure your time. It’s what you do with a small amount of time that counts rather than a large chunk. Remember that love is in the details. Best of luck to you Bonnie. And thanks for asking us to share ideas with you. Sandy
It’s amazing how well you know me (as a mom) because I do analyze her life choices way more than I should. In fact, it’s one of the reasons why we have butted our heads in the past. I can’t help it… being a mom I want to protect her, but I also know it’s essential to let her make mistakes so she learns on her own, too. It’s not so easy to step back and watch her fall down knowing I could possibly prevent it from happening. I am trying.
I LOVE your ideas! Although, I am uncertain if she would be willing to do a blog together. We converse across Facebook and she seems to like that platform because she has a ton of friends there, but I wouldn’t mind having a more intimate setting for us.
Last month I took her to the salon and we had manicures and pedicures together – my treat. It was a fun day and we both enjoyed the quality time spent together. I should schedule more days like that to spend alone with her. Do you think she would enjoy more quality time like that with me?
Oh yes Bonnie doing things like manicures and pedi’s is right on track. Massages too. When money is limited do window shopping and try on different styles just for fun. Positive emotions like laughter and sharing beauty stuff helps so much with bonding. It takes the pressure off to do a lot of talking but still you’re sharing intimate moments. How about Saunas and even taking some yoga together? great ideas Bonnie. I wish you two the best.
sandy
Oh! I didn’t even think of a massage, but that’s a very good idea! Thank you so much!
I appreciate your help and concern. Words can’t express how grateful I feel right now for having you in my corner, Sandy.
Finding work/life balance is hard… even more so if it is a creative, second endeavor like a blog!
The only thing I have found to be helpful is working ahead of my release schedule (although I still haven’t been able to build a big enough buffer) so that if I have to attend to something/fall ill/go on vacation/etc… it doesn’t look like I fell into the abyss and disappeared.
That’s really sound advice. I shall try to build a buffer so it helps me in times like this. Thanks!
Hi Bonnie,
I believe that in life when issues arise, you can do one of two things. You can either avoid it, which is what the majority will do, or you can face it head on and deal with it. I believe sometimes personal issues usually do not go away but you can do what you can do minimize the impact. Thanks for writing this today!
I chose to face it and deal with it head on. 10 years is a long time and I didn’t want our relationship strained beyond that point.
We’re both to blame for letting it go this long, but at least we are both working towards the mending fence.
Thanks for your input, Nate. I appreciate hearing from you.
Put your daughter first!!
Nothing is more important than family, and we all understand how these things come up!
I hope everything works out.
Michael
Thanks Michael. BTW, I adore how you put your babies first. You’re a great role model and no doubt a doting husband, too!
We can only do our best. Family comes before business any day. I’ve had my schedules messed up pretty much every day, because my husband wanted me to help with something, or something else came up.
I add my daughter’s things to the calendar first, then my self-care, after that comes business. Housework is last on my list 😀
I’m glad you two are mending your relationship. I went without talking to my mom for 15 years. She mellowed after my dad died, so we’re at least talking now.
I know family is more important than business, but I can’t help feeling as if I am letting you down, too. I have made promises to create a product, so even though my daughter is important – keeping my word to people is just as important to me, too.
I am so glad to hear you are speaking again to your mother, Linda!
If you feel you have to keep in touch, why not do a super short post on the days you feel busy? Just a short note, a picture, or maybe linking to a video. I definitely don’t feel let down, and I doubt your other readers do either.
As for the product, make the steps smaller, so you can manage more easily.
That’s a very good idea, Linda! I could definitely do a shorter post! Thank you for the suggestion!
The product has most of my attention, which is split between it and the daughter time. The one thing I was overlooking was posting to the blog, but with your suggestion of a shorter post, I can see me getting back on track.
Thanks!
My pleasure 🙂 Always happy to help
🙂 Thanks!