How Hiring a Coach Stalled My Entrepreneurial Spirit

It’s been three months since I’ve posted anything new on the blog. I’ll share my reason with you today because I believe it holds a valuable lesson for you.

But first, let me share some truths:

We all fight certain fears when it comes to conducting online business. Some of us may be unsure of the niche we want to pursue, or we want to be the boss, and unsure of how to proceed, which holds us back from serving others.

Likewise, there are times when our internal fears are not the culprits of our failures. It’s not always your emotional processes that prevent you from reaching success. Sometimes, it’s another person who can derail your good intentions.

We don’t need to be afraid of what others think as long as we know our hearts are in the right place.

Regardless of what the reasons are, we share similar fears that may prevent us from reaching a certain level of success. We must work through these rough spots so we can continue our journey.

For some, this is easier said than done.

Beware of the Naysayers

No matter how hardened you may think you are against outside forces, there is always an individual who will do or say something that makes you doubt your abilities.

The individual may not realize what they said or did (that cut YOU like a knife), but the outcome could be a devastating blow to your entrepreneurial spirit.

This very thing happened to me, this year, in May.

I hired a coach to help me in my entrepreneurial journey. The last thing I expected this person to do was make an example of me in front of the other members – even though it was a closed Facebook group.

To add insult to injury, she took it upon herself to tell me in an email that I didn’t have the right mindset to build a community on my blog. Once the initial shock of her disclosure wore off, I became enraged.

Imagine, the gall of this coach to tell me I sucked as a leader, which may not be what she intended to say, but that’s the meaning I took away from her correspondence. Nobody has the right to make you feel inadequate.

Don’t let this happen to you! I hope you never give another person the power to hinder your success! Don’t allow anyone to say or do things that deter you from a destined path or strip you of your dignity.

Leadership, Coaching

Do You Have What It Takes?

I know I have what it takes to build a community; I’ve done it many times before the Internet opened to the public. I’ve been published countless times in magazines and print books for the networks I’ve built, worldwide.

It takes a dedicated person to make such a change in the lives of others. It’s not something you can “fake” until you make it. You either have the natural talent to pull people together – or you learn how. There is no room for half-assed attempts. You either want to help people, or you don’t.

When I came online, my first online community consisted of more than 10,000 members, which grew over a five-year span. That isn’t something that anyone can do unless they have the determination to stick with a plan.

And, when the time comes, you may want to hire a coach to help you through the decision-making process so you can continue to grow as an entrepreneur.

When hiring a coach to steer you in the right direction, you deserve privacy – such as email or the telephone. You DO NOT get coaching from someone who feels a public setting is a place to teach you a valuable lesson. If your coach does this, cut him/her loose.

Making a Decision

I labored with the idea of sticking with Internet marketing and building a community. I sought the opinions of friends and associates within my writing group. Some of them were coaches too. Then, I turned to the Bible.

The Bible says we don’t have to fear what others think of us as long as we know what we’re doing is right. It also says that if we choose to serve a certain way, others may not approve of our decision.

What others think shouldn’t prevent you from doing the things you love. If you’re motivated to help others, forget the naysayers and work your magic. Accept the opinions of others, and even appreciate them, but don’t allow them to stall you.

We don’t need to be afraid of what others think as long as we know our hearts are in the right place. If you want to build a community, you can. You don’t need to listen to someone’s negative thoughts telling you that you can’t do it – or – that you’re doing it wrong just because it doesn’t mesh with how THEY would do it.

Nobody walks in your shoes; they don’t have a clue about what you’re capable of accomplishing. How can anyone possibly measure the depth of your entrepreneurial spirit? I don’t think they can, nor should they try.

So, don’t let the fear of what others think of you as a means to keep you from helping others. You’re doing a disservice to yourself if you allow others to keep you from being a leader. I say go forth and multiply your message, so it stretches far and wide!

Be of service to others and drop the coach who tells you that you don’t have what it takes to be a leader. Nobody should ever have the power to prevent you from helping others. If you have such a person in your life right now — show them the door and don’t look back!

My advice to any coach:

Be careful what you say to your clients. It could have disastrous consequences for your reputation as a coach. How you relate to people could prompt them to walk away from your counseling, or worse, prevent them from striving to be of service to an audience.

Neither of these is a good outcome. One of them keeps you from being a true professional helper while the other prevents your clients from doing what they were born to do, which is to lead others!

I allowed a coach to stall my entrepreneurial spirit for the last 3 months while I struggled to find the truth, but I can assure you that I won’t make that mistake twice!

What’s your take on this topic? I would love to hear from you.

Leave a comment below and let me know if you think a coach has the right to tell you that you don’t have what it takes to be a leader to others.

-OR-

Let me know if you hired a coach during your time as an entrepreneur and whether you cut them loose because you didn’t like how they mentored you.

Thanks for reading,
– Bonnie

P.S. Did you enjoy this message? If so, please share it with your friends so they can benefit from schmoozing. Then, if you want to get more messages like this one, hop aboard my notification list. I would like to keep in touch.

About Bonnie Gean

Bonnie is a full-time writer and marketer with over 20-years of experience as an entrepreneur. She loves helping people overcome the technical challenges associated with an online business. Need a step-by-step tutorial? Simply ASK her and she'll help you too.

Join the Discussion

  1. Hi Bonnie,

    As a Life Coach like the other coaches I also do the right thing with questioning and encouragement and finding the hidden meanings of what it is you trying to uncover but certainly not telling you on a public arena you’re a loser, my blood is boiling I’m sure.

    I saw your welcome email the other day and thought to myself how strange it was that it only went that far as I knew how prolific you were on Tiff’s site and I now know. I’m sure glad you’re back.

    I hope others don’t judge all coaches by your awful experience, and may that coach stew in her own mess, because there are many styles of coaching and maybe she’s of the Tony Robbins robust style and therefore not a fit for you and she should have known that and advised you so. If she couldn’t work with you she should have terminated graciously or tried to let you know of somebody more to your personality if she knew of them.

    I have been busy trying to start a coaching practice in the wrong field so I’ve changed that one and now have to get all that “stuff” set up again, website, autoresponder, ad infinitum.

    I am now looking to help people with “Shiny New Object Syndrome” but from the psychological perspective which i have come to realize is huge problem I had and I know there are many others out there living with the guilt and shame I’ve enjoyed for many years. I would love that they could get past it easily and quickly, it feels sooo good.

    Anyway I’m glad you’re on the path to the real you at last after your hiccup and another thing of your “I’d rather not” bucket list, life can only get brighter from I’m sure.

    Bye for now~~~~~~~~~~

    Maureen

    • Hiya Maureen,

      It was nice to find out that you learned about me on Tiffany’s blog. I sure do miss going over there, but as my online business grows (and the workload with it), I find it hard to visit her pages as often as I once did.

      Thank you for sharing your good thoughts. It’s nice hearing that people miss you while you’re out of sight. Surely I’m not in the minds of many others, but it’s still comforting to know that some still remember what I taught.

      My parents always said, “what goes around, comes around” so I am certain that coach will eventually pay for her actions. Not that I wish it on her, but the world usually has a way of teaching valuable lessons.

      I wish you well in your endeavors to start a coaching practice. Starting one in the wrong field may have put you behind, but I’m sure with persistence, you’ll find your way back on track in no time.

      Shiny New Object Syndrome is a major problem for new entrepreneurs and even some experienced veterans. Anything you can do to prevent SNOS would be helpful; I’m sure. I wish you good luck in getting your coaching practice started and in full swing.

      Keep in touch and let me know how it goes!

      – Bonnie
      Bonnie Gean recently posted…How to Leave a Google Plus CommunityMy Profile

  2. Sharon Dixon says:

    Hi Bonnie,
    Welcome back. I too had wondered what was going on with you and would pray for God’s best when I thought about you.

    You have always been a transparent giver. That is what sets you apart from all the rest. You give great information and most importantly, caring love wrapped around each morsel of direction.

    You go, girl. You’re the best!

  3. Hi Bonnie,
    Glad you are back. No one has the right to tear you down. You helped me so much, so many times, expecting nothing in return, and as long as I was active you never steered me wrong.
    Although I’m not active anymore I still follow you and Tiff. I thought you might have some health issues.
    Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next newsletter even though I won’t act on it. I’m in the cheering section now.
    Ruth Clark recently posted…My Grandmother – from The Brooklyn TimesMy Profile

    • Hi Ruth,

      The cheering section is just as valuable as any other part of Internet marketing.

      I’m glad you’ll be sticking around — even if it’s just to cheer from the sidelines.

      Be well, my friend.

      – Bonnie

  4. Hi Bonnie,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you. I wondered what happened to you but thought maybe you, like me, had health issues.

    I haven’t blogged in over two years because of my health but I still follow my friends and try to keep up with things.

    I never found the money for a coach but used you and Tiff as my examples. You are still the best and never, ever let anyone tell you different. Your help was invaluable to me. I read the emails and newsletters from you and my mind plays with the idea of brushing off the cobwebs but I never do. If I did get serious again, I would follow you in a heartbeat.

    No one has the right to criticize you. Coaches should coach, not tear down. Keep up the good work and I’m glad you’re back. Love you bunches.

    • Hi Ruth,

      I love you, for your friendship and honesty! It truly is a gift from God to have you in my corner.

      I’ve wanted to write an email to you, but I knew you were dealing with health issues and didn’t want to infringe on your time. It’s very important to spend as much time as you can regaining your health and enjoying loved ones.

      How’s the quilt-making coming along? I remember you saying that you wanted to prepare keepsakes for your family. I hope you’ve been able to make headway on that mission. :)

      Stay safe and stay healthy!

      – Bonnie
      Bonnie Gean recently posted…Are You a Juggler or an Entrepreneur?My Profile

  5. Sandra Martinez says:

    Hey Bonnie, this post hit my inbox today.I know it’s been awhile that this has been out but hadn’t seen it before. I have never posted here before but I had to let you know the I feel God placed it here. I have been going back and forth with the same problem.

    It’s not so much anything was said to me, but the lack of true teaching that has me disappointed. When I ask for some kind of direction I get I don’t know Sandra just tell your story.

    I’ve followed this person for a very long time. So when she became a coach I joined, only to be disappointed.

    I haven’t cancelled my membership yet but after your post I most certainly will will be.

    Thanks for the eye opener!
    Sandra

    • Hi Sandra,

      If you’re paying for professional guidance and not getting any, it’s time to walk away. A coach should help stimulate change. If all you’re getting is someone wanting you to tell your story, she isn’t doing her job.

      It’s sad that some people believe they’re a coach, but they’ve never had any professional training to be one. I fear there are more of us out there; paying for services but never getting the results we’re paying to get.

      Feel free to let me know (privately in email) if there is anything I can do to help you, Sandra. Enjoy the rest of the week, and thank you for sharing your story.

      – Bonnie
      Bonnie Gean recently posted…How to Leave a Google Plus CommunityMy Profile

  6. Bonnie, the problem was with the coach, not you. As you can see from this page you are well liked and respected so it is the coach that is at fault here. It is a foolish thing for a coach to do as she will lose her credibility and professionalism and ultimatley her business. Just move on from this, forget her and stay just as you are.

    Jo

    • Hi Jo,

      Yes, this page truly holds a list of positive testaments, and I feel so lucky to have them. There was a time when I counted my “true friends” on one hand, but that’s no longer the case.

      The friends I’ve made online are an invaluable part of my life now. I have an entourage of people that constantly support me when I need it most; it’s truly a blessing.

      Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I hope we have an opportunity to chat more in the future! Enjoy the rest of the week, and please let me know if I can help you in any way.

      – Bonnie
      Bonnie Gean recently posted…How to Create a Dazzling Pie Chart in PowerpointMy Profile

  7. Hi Bonnie,

    It is so good to see you back. As to that “coach” I’m speechless with anger at her attitude and actions. This is not what coaching is all about. But you came out on the other side, stronger perhaps wiser with the knowledge that you know yourself and your abilities. She knows squat.

    I stepped away from the marketing arena for a while to focus on a website/niche that is truly a passion – reading. And I am to this day using your teachings and Tiff’s as well every single day. I needed confidence in myself so I put myself in a place where I could achieve that on my terms. Oh, I’ll return to marketing again. But for the moment I followed my own passion. I say that to show you that no matter where we take the teaching of really amazing people, the good lessons stick and can be universally used when needed.

    I will continue to follow your journey, encourage you if I can with the knowledge that I am getting so much more out of my time spent with you.

    Best wishes, stay strong and know that you are appreciated by your “tribe”.
    Marsha recently posted…Every Little Kiss by Kim AmosMy Profile

    • Hi Marsha,

      It’s important to follow your heart, even if that means doing something that you love for the sheer pleasure of enjoyment, and not profits.

      There’s nothing written in stone that says a person has to be a marketer to make a difference in the lives of others. If reading and sharing is what makes you happy, then I say do it!

      I applaud you for stepping outside of your comfort zone to build the self-confidence you felt was lacking; achieving success on your terms. Not many people are willing to put themselves out there, but you did. That’s an amazing step forward. You go, girl!

      – Bonnie
      Bonnie Gean recently posted…How to Leave a Google Plus CommunityMy Profile

  8. I think this Coach that you hired is a fraud and a meanie, Bonnie and you should consider taking action to save others from unprofessional activities rapping her with any agreement that you had before entering the coaching contract.

    I worked in the corporate finance world for over 25 years and our engagement agreements had confidentiality clauses which I still use in my now coaching practice. In fact, not only does the clause appear in my contract, but I also use it all over my service pages, during consultations and group coaching programs.

    The rules of professionalism and confidentiality apply in all our actions and by making you an object of ridicule, even if on a private/closed Facebook Group is a mark of disrespect and…..grrrrrrrr

    I recently had a young lady who is in the early stages of her career and with whom I am connected on LinkedIn request a 15 minute consult on a topic that was bothering her. This was not a paid consult and I knew that she was not my ideal or target client but that did not stop me from helping her without diminishing her dignity or self-confidence.

    In fact, Bonnie, I knew the answer to her dilemma but maintained good practice and even guided her to take a life changing decision while repeating that as a coach I could not give her the solution, even though we both knew what she had to do.

    I was delighted when she wrote back to me last week to tell me that she had finally done what she really needed to do and was grateful for the chat. That is what a coach and a good samaritan does, not someone who hurts the core of another person.

    Incidentally, I’ve been one of your tribe since forever and I don’t think you need a coach – you are a leader, motivator and Chief Internet Troubleshooter, an Authority in your own right.

    I’m glad you’ve got your groove back, Bonnie.

    Virtual hugs!
    Vatsala Shukla recently posted…Negotiate to WinMy Profile

    • Hi Vatsala,

      Thank you. Hugs, right back at you, lady! I so believe YOU ROCK!

      I always loved your “get to the point” attitude. You never hold back your thoughts, and I love that about you!

      Lesson learned. Onward with the leading, motivating, and troubleshooting. :)

      Thanks for stopping by. I trust the week treats you with the same kindness you’ve given me.

      – Bonnie

  9. Hey Bonnie

    Welcome back. I’m sorry you went through all that and I hope you will be stronger for having experienced it. In case you wondered where I’ve been, I have had a break too and a career change and I’m now writing fiction. I love how life develops and we never know where it’s going to lead us – in my case writing about relationships led to a different way of exploring them – this time in stories. I just wanted to say, I feel richer for having known you, your words touched me many times and I hope everything works out for you

    love Ana
    Ana recently posted…Should You Use Mobile Dating Apps?My Profile

  10. I am speechless after reading this blog post. I am sorry to know about this miserable experience you had been through Bonnie. I have known you for a while know and a big fan of all the knowledge and experience that you have. I am privileged to have a friend like you and truly appreciate all the help that you have provided. I find a lot of inspiration by talking to you and you fill me up with a lot of positive energy. I am happy to know you have successfully go over this experience and even happier to read another blog post here after a bit of a break. Remember there are a lot of people like me who appreciate all the good work you have been doing over the years. Keep Rocking!

    • Hi Siddharth,

      Thank you for returning to my blog; it means more to me than I can say.

      I do my best. Perhaps that’s not good enough for this coach, but I will continue to wake up each morning with a bounce in my step because I know I get to help people and make new friends.

      To know that I inspire you, brings a sense of peace to my soul. I want you to know that I am always here for you, whenever you need guidance. Just ask!

      Enjoy your day (and weekend). I am truly blessed to know you.

      – Bonnie

  11. Dear Bonnie,
    It breaks my heart that you had to experience something like that. The simple act of putting out any content online is a personal and revealing process. Having to hear such harsh words from someone you trust and/or respect is definitely disheartening.

    I’m so glad that you’ve realigned your mindset and that you are back in action!

    Stay strong,

    -Luke
    Luke Yoshida recently posted…Videoscribe Review | Create Awesome Whiteboard VideosMy Profile

    • Hi Luke,

      Conducting business (and making friends) online is a very personal experience; especially if you’re adopting the “I am transparent” as I journey into the land of serving others.

      As entrepreneurs, how we act has the potential to gain scrutiny from our peers, so it’s best that we’re on our best behavior. Do you agree?

      I read that somewhere that each of us has a connection to another 250 individuals within our sphere of influence.

      Naturally, this means if we experience any bad behavior, we have the potential to share that experience with at least 250 other people, at any given time.

      You would think with this knowledge, individuals would treat others a little kinder, but that’s not always the case, in my experience.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. It was great to hear from you, and I hope you’ll return more often!

      Enjoy your week!

      – Bonnie

  12. Hi Bonnie, so glad to see you back, and at the time I’m so sorry you experienced what you did. I read this when you posted, but I was so shocked I didn’t know how to respond. Even now, I’m at a loss of words. Huggs!
    Crystal Touchton recently posted…Week 5 Consistency In Business Challenge UpdateMy Profile

    • Hiya Crystal,

      I would imagine there were plenty of people shocked, and I hope nobody else has to go through what I did. It put me out of commission for too long. I’m still in shock.

      I can certainly understand your loss for words. I remember the feelings that welled up inside me the day I read her email. I hope she comes to her senses and changes her ways.

      Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I hope to see more of you! Enjoy the rest of your week!

      – Bonnie

  13. Bonnie! Wow! As your facebook friend, twitter friend and a coach of 20 years I was meaning to get around to you blog post from the other day! I just joined #UltraBlog and one other 30 day challenge to “get going” on my business blog thing. And, I saw this and I am so glad I came back to read it!! 

    First, I want to say I also had a year where I really allowed others to “hold me back” that has been wrapping as of June. I just started to stop accepting “that energy.” However, the shock was seeing how much my accepting it was keeping it in place!

    That said, from your record of experience being so blatant and clear, this coach didn’t even “know you.” For all you know, it is so “wrong” that she may have had you confused with someone else. That is one of my favorite responses sometimes, too. Wait, did you mean this for someone else? Cause….

    It doesn’t sound professional one bit. And, at the same time, you know, maybe you threatened her.

    One thing I know is I “wish I had me as my coach” ten years ago. Why? I could not find a coach I didn’t intimidate or the like. And, it was lonely!

    It seems more and more of us strong types (that may not “seem strong” because we are nice) are coming out to the world and saying, hey, I am this cool person and great to be around, lead, etc.. Hey, I am all that! Whoohoo!  Not like it could go to our heads and stick. It won’t!

    Like, we are claiming it for ourselves! And, we are finding each other now and creating a new kind of safe, love and joy.

    Good for you to air the laundry and get some fresh air! And, good on you for being a super community builder!!! :-)

    Shannon

    • Hi Shannon,

      I belong to UltraBlog for quite some time now, and I love the people involved with the group. I believe you will too. Also, I’m glad you returned to comment.

      RE: My experience

      While the initial onslaught of bad feelings was not my doing, I did allow the emotional sabotage to stunt my growth as an entrepreneur. As a result, my fans also suffered during my absence.

      I owed my supporters an explanation for my three-month hiatus. I hope nothing like this happens to anyone else, bu if it should, I want people to know that it doesn’t need to block their progress.

      I can’t imagine how I could be a threat to any person. We all have the same opportunity to make our lives meaningful, without making other people feel inadequate.

      Enjoy the rest of your week, and I hope to see your blog posts among the Ultrablog challenge group!

      – Bonnie

      • Hey Bonnie,

        Thanks for your encouragement and kind words. I hope you are feeling better now that you see how happy everyone is to have you back!

        May I ask please what plugin you are using for your twitter handle in the comments? Thanks!!! :-)

        And, are you liking comment love?

        Thanks!!!!

        • Hi Shannon,

          Yes, I am VERY happy to talk with friends once again. Apparently, I was missed (and this is good to know!)

          CommentLuv is what allows me (and others who comment here) to add the Twitter handle into the comment area.

          I LOVE CommentLuv. Have you tried the plugin yet?

          – Bonnie

          • Hi Bonnie,

            It is really heartening to hear you are feeling how much your are cared about and that you matter in so many people’s live!

            I have not tried commentluv, yet. I clicked your link to look from your email (thank you!). I could not tell how it rewards people for sharing (it is providing your sharing buttons, too). When I click on “more” the pop-up is not opening (so I can’t read about it!).

            Thanks so much for sharing with me about this. I am just putting all of my systems in place at the moment.

            I’ve just completed a long period of really hard work on my site — membership backend for everything (for starters my cloud-based video services @seekcollab for telemedicine and high-end coaching). What I put in replaces a shopping cart, does repeatable billing and all sorts of stuff. Plus, automated scheduling! Wow. It was a lot of work!! Very isolating, too.

            I am loving how social blogging is apparently! And, I am really looking forward to having what is on my plate off (hopefully this week!) and having blogging time. Though, I am doing something each day to forward the progress!

            Thanks again for your input!

            Shannon

            • Hi Shannon,

              Comment Luv has tons of options that you can turn off or on, depending on how you want set up the program. I did a Comment Luv review that may help you understand the program better. You can find that review here:

              http://www.bonniegean.com/a-commentluv-review-is-it-worthwhile/

              Let me know if you have any questions about the program.

              RE: Work on the website

              I have tons of work to complete on this website. The three-month hiatus really put a damper on my mental progress in addition to the website work that I must attend to.

              I only have aMember Pro installed half-way, and I still need to install Optimize Press 2.0 on a second website. I need to get the launch prepared for a new product release, too.

              Social media is FUN, but time-consuming if you aren’t careful. I’m currently working through Lynn Terry’s Fast Social Marketing Results. Have you tried it?

              Thanks for returning. I enjoyed talking with you again.

              – Bonnie

  14. Glad to see you back and blogging, The coach was well in the wrong, End of. The problem is that there are far too many coaches who set themselves up to help others and have no idea how to do it, yet alone do it in a way that is both professional and helpful to there clients.
    Mike Gardner is The Time Doctor recently posted…7 Reasons You Should be Saying No More OftenMy Profile

    • Hi Mike,

      While it’s true that the Internet can offer a substantial opportunity for people to start a business, this open forum does have setbacks, too. We find too many individuals claiming to be a coach, but have no training to practice as one. Unfortunately, it’s the client who pays for it (in multiple ways) in the end.

      Have a nice Labor Day, Mike!

      – Bonnie

  15. Yes, coaching can be very helpful, but not in your particular case. I had a coach for a while and I found it helpful, but then she “fired” me because I wasn’t making any particular progress. It felt like it was my fault, but in hindsight, I’m thinking if she was doing a better job, I should have made more progress.
    adrian recently posted…Grocery Store Couponing StrategiesMy Profile

    • Hi Adrian,

      My heart sunk when I read that your coach fired you. How insane is that? If she were doing her job correctly, you SHOULD have made the progress she expected to witness.

      After all, if she takes your money and accepts the task of helping you along, that’s an admission that she is capable and available. It’s sad that this person fell short on the promise to serve you properly.

      I probably know the answer to this next question, but I’m inclined to ask it. After she fired you, did she return your money?

      I’m glad you stopped by. Please enjoy your Labor Day celebration!

      – Bonnie

  16. I’d love to where are we going? I do have a birthday in September! Lol!
    Michelle recently posted…Moose Paperclip – Cool Bookmarks- Bookmarks for Books – Unique Paper Clips Bookmark – Personalize Your Planner with Cute Clips by FunkychickenshopMy Profile

    • Hi Michelle,

      We’re going to the mountains in Wolverine, Michigan. Renting a log cabin that sleeps 6 people.

      Me, the partner, and his doggy.

      Here’s what the inside of the log cabins look like:
      http://malonescabins.com/cabins/index.html

      You’re familiar with crickets… I bet they have some there. :)

      – Bonnie

      • Hi Bonnie,

        Wow! That place looks awesome!

        I love cabins! Lol! I bet there will be crickets. ;-)

        • Hi Michelle,

          I love log cabins, too. I’ve always pictured myself as a person who buys one to retire in when I am ready to hang up my hat. I still wouldn’t mind making that dream come true. :)

          I promised FB friends that I would take the laptop along on the trip. I’m finally going to get some use out of the Canon camera that I received for Christmas, two years ago.

          I’ll take snapshots of the cabin and surrounding landscape to share, and use the laptop to upload the photos to Facebook. The hubby has a week’s vacation, but I can’t stand being away from home that long, so we’re making it a 4-day, 3-night stint of fun.

          He wants time off of work while I want pictures of lighthouses so I can turn them into meme backgrounds for my PLR customers. We decided to combine his vacation with my desire to see some lighthouses.

          I can’t wait!

          I will let you know if I hear crickets. :

          – Bonnie

    • Hi Michelle,

      Just in case I’m on vacation during your birthday celebration, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sister! I wish you the very best during your special day!

      – Bonnie
      Bonnie Gean recently posted…How to Start a Business You Love by Changing Your FocusMy Profile

  17. OMG! I am so sorry you had to live through that. It’s tough enough to get up everyday and work for yourself. That in it’s self is more than most can do. You have helped me many times over the years with this and that and I’m proud to call you my friend even though I’ve only talked to you via internet.

    Things like that gives us some major set backs, we begin to wonder if we really are losers, like people think. But we really are not and those people that say things like that to us SUCK! They are like the vampires I like to read about in fiction they suck the life right out of us if we let them. Which we do for a while until we see what they really look like under the facade.

    I’m so glad you are feeling better about it. And know this, I think you are a Wonderful, Beautiful, Sweet, Thoughtful Person, I would follow you anywhere and you ROCK!

    • Hi Michelle,

      It’s so nice to hear from you! Thank you for visiting and sharing your opinion today. I’m so glad to have you as a friend.

      It’s hard to wake up and go to work, especially when you don’t enjoy your job. However, I LOVE schmoozing with people and helping as many as I can through blogging, so this isn’t a problem for me.

      I have been blogging for many years, so when someone tells me that I’m doing it wrong and that, “building a community requires a completely different mindset” – my heart broke.

      My fans are aware of my background. I’ve sent many emails to my list, explaining the setbacks in my personal life that sometimes prevent me from approving and answering blog comments, or from releasing new products and training.

      While my approach to blogging may not coincide with how anyone else handles the responsibility, I am grateful for the fans who do understand that they are not forgotten because I may take longer to reply.

      I’ll also admit that I can’t please everyone. If a person expects an immediate reply or approval for a blog comment, they might be better looking in a new direction. I’m not that cup of tea. :)

      Speaking of following me everywhere – I’m going on vacation next week. Would you like to come along? If not, I’ll still be thinking of you!

      – Bonnie

  18. Bonnie Gean,

    I’m heartbroken that this happened to you. People have no idea of what they do. My wife has a clipping on our bathroom wall that reads, “The tongue has no bones but is capable of breaking a heart”. What a terrible thing for a coach/mentor/guru/whatever to do.

    I’ve heard a lot of people saying how important it is to get one, but whenever I’ve done so I’ve been disappointed more often than not.

    Better to get specific advice from someone who’s done a specific thing. That way you’re not dependent on any one person’s way of doing things to help you build your business.
    Rob Knowlan recently posted…Pushing GoodnessMy Profile

    • Hi Rob,

      I’ve had the pleasure of speaking (and learning) from two very distinctive personalities online: one was Michael Port and the other person was Craig Desorcy.

      I should have contacted either of the two gentleman when I was searching for answers about my entrepreneurial journey, but I opted to try someone else. Unfortunately, I should have gone with my gut. I paid the price, for sure, but it won’t happen again.

      I LOVE the sign that your wife hung in the bathroom. It’s direct and sadly enough – true.

      Thanks for stopping by! Enjoy the rest of the week!

      – Bonnie

  19. Hey Bonnie,

    Welcome back and I’m so sorry that your experience was not a good one with your coach that lead you to be inactive online for so long.

    I guess the only thing I can share here is that because I’ve never had a bad experience with a coach I can’t even begin to know how you must have felt. I guess we all handle things in our own way whether it’s right or wrong but hopefully we each can learn from those mistakes and do better.

    Because this caused you so much pain for so many months I’m glad that you’ve moved through that now and have not let that get you entirely down. I know for my own sake that I’m not perfect and I make mistakes but I know that I’m a good person. I see myself in a certain way but others may see me in a different way. If they chose to share that with me and it’s not positive then I have to decide for myself whether or not I want their thoughts to hinder me or give me more fire to do even better. That’s just something I think we each have to decide within ourselves.

    Because you’re back online and moving forward I know the path you’ve chosen to take and I’m sure you’ll do very well. I’m rooting for you Bonnie.

    ~Adrienne
    Adrienne recently posted…Magical Monday: Irresistible Content, Gifyt, Influencer, CTA SkinMy Profile

    • Hi Adrienne,

      I’ve learned a valuable lesson from this experience, and I’m also glad to hear that you’ve never suffered at the hands of a coach. (BTW: I don’t think every coach is tabu; however, I need to be careful where I place my trust in the future.)

      It’s true, we must all decide for ourselves whether we’ll allow another person to hinder our progress or fuel the fire. But, as I stated in my post, for some that’s easier said than done.

      Even so, a coach’s job is to encourage and empower clients, so there’s no excuse for sharing negative remarks that test a person’s willpower to overcome them.

      My dad used to say, if you can’t say something NICE to someone, then keep your trap shut. Oh, how I miss him. :(

      I’ve often said, “bruises fade, and broken bones heal, but words are never forgotten.” Some individuals can bounce right back (I envy these people) while others don’t. We each handle negativity differently.

      Perhaps my 3-month setback seems extreme, but I have a process I must go through to get back on track. Maybe someone else out there in the blogosphere is just like me, so I blogged to replace the despair with hope and encouragement.

      Thank you for revisiting my blog, Adrienne. It’s always nice to see your face smiling from the comment section. I’ve been meaning to get back on track with blog commenting. I’ll visit your blog soon!

      Enjoy the rest of your week! (Next week, I go on vacation!) Woo hoo!

      – Bonnie

  20. Bonnie, I remember asking you who it was when this first happened.

    I don’t remember now if I shared then, but reading the story again now, brought up for me the same things that Jan said.

    Anyone who has had a full and round training in coaching, and not mentorship would not have done this type of thing. Unless, it was a personal clash of personality on their part, and even then, it is out of line for a good coach.

    I have a certification from a great program (not just a weekend or self study course) to be a coach. The right thing to have done in that situation (and I don’t know all the details) would have to been to help you dig down to why things weren’t working for you, and then what you wanted to do about it.
    The wrong thing is what she did – call you out publicly and tell you that you couldn’t do it. Even a good mentor wouldn’t have called you out publicly.

    I hope you haven’t given up on being coached.
    jenn alex brockman recently posted…Which Branding Journey Are You Taking?My Profile

    • Hi Jenn,

      You helped me when I needed you most. You were there for me, along with the others, in the writing group. So, thank you!

      I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar” – haven’t you? Hence, you get far better results by being NICE to people than you do when you’re RUDE.

      Coach or no coach – nobody has the right to make an example of another person, publically. That’s impolite. Likewise, you don’t call a person out by name; that’s a big no-no, especially for a coach.

      I have nothing against being coached or ever hiring another one, but as I told Adrienne, I will be careful where I place my trust in the future.

      – Bonnie

  21. Bonnie, I’m so sorry about that coach. I hate that you experienced this. :( I’m all for a coach that prods her clients forward but your coach sounds like she was more a bully than an actual coach.

    I’ve always loved your personality–you’re so warm and kind. But you also help to hold others accountable and that’s so important. You do a terrific job of hand-holding (where needed) and butt-kicking (where needed).

    Keep posting…the blogosphere needs your voice! Your posts are always an inspiration.

    • Hi Avery,

      Thank you for visiting my blog to offer your support. As I’ve said many times, I am fortunate to have so many great online friends.

      I wouldn’t say the coach was a bully, just not up to snuff on delivering criticism, privately. Regardless of what she believed I did wrong, she should have taken it directly to email or called me on the phone.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding my personality. I like to help out as much I can whether the person is a paid client or simply a website fan. That’s just the way I’m wired.

      – Bonnie

  22. Nick #thisyearinmusic
    Twitter:
    says:

    I’ve often thought that these kind of coaches were a scam, and now thanks to you, I’ll never consider using one again.

    • Hi Nick,

      I’m not happy with the experience I’ve had with this particular coach; however, that’s not to say that I wouldn’t hire a different one in the future.

      As Jan pointed out, there are different types of coaches with varied personalities. Not everyone is going to be a good fit for you.

      Even though I felt this coach crossed the line with me, someone else might have viewed her approach as acceptable.

      I don’t feel a public place is suitable for correcting a person, regardless of the situation. As a coach, your exchange with a client should be done privately. That’s what clients pay for, which doesn’t include public scrutiny!

      I read that some people like hiring a coach that is demanding, pushy, or otherwise intimidating. Whereas, that type of person is NOT my cup of tea.

      – Bonnie

  23. How great to see you back, Bonnie. I wondered what had happened to you, never dreaming that something like you’ve described could have been the reason.
    As for letting anyone set me back, I guess everyone experiences a set-back when someone knocks them for no good reason. We have to take stock and see if what they said is true. This is the case when a bully singles you out too. But, with a little extra spiritual help, we can all stand strong.
    Francene Stanley recently posted… Discover why your IQ increases with age.My Profile

    • Hi Francene,

      Thank you, it’s great to see familiar faces once again! I’ve missed the conversation exchanges, too!

      In all honesty, it was the passage in the Bible that helped me find my way back to the blog. I have nothing to fear from this person, or anyone else for that matter. That’s all I need to remember.

      How wonderful to talk to you again, Francene! Thanks for stopping in to share your thoughts. Now that I’m back, I’ll try to visit your blog more often, too!

      – Bonnie

  24. Well I’ll be bitter for you. I hope to God I don’t know this person because I’d be pissed if anyone I knew did this to you. Out of ALL the people in our vlog challenge, YOU more than anyone else created a community. So EFF HER! :)

    • Tiff,

      I LOVE your business ethics. I wish every coach would take the care and consideration of their business that you do.

      You’ve been nothing but encouraging to me over the years, which started way before I participated in your video blogging challenge, years ago.

      It’s sad that anyone could lash out negatively against another person, but it’s far more devastating when that person is a coach, IMHO.

      Yes, I let it derail me. I cheated my fans by staying absent for three months. I”m more pissed at myself for letting this get to me as deeply as it did because it prevented me from helping people when they needed me most.

      Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to pop over to my blog. I feel so blessed by the many encouraging words I’ve read today.

      Mostly, I thank my lucky stars because I have such caring friends, which includes you! So, thank you!

      – Bonnie

  25. So glad to see you back Bonnie, your guidance has helped me so many times. I tried a coach (someone we both know) and I felt they failed miserably to guide me. I think some feel that simply sharing their experience makes them a coach, but it does not. This person no longer pretends to be a coach, a wise choice. We’ll always be here!

    • Hi Marilyn,

      Thanks for boosting my confidence!

      I try to help the people who follow me, whether it’s through this blog or my social media accounts. When I threaten to use my boot to get someone to take action, it’s usually accompanied by a smiley face or similar reminder that I’m doing it in a loving manner.

      I don’t ever want (or try) to make someone feel defeated if they don’t follow my suggestion, or happen to conduct their business differently than I do. Nobody has the right to make another individual feel bad, on purpose. That’s striking out at someone; it’s not encouraging them.

      I’m sorry you hired a coach that failed you. I know it isn’t easy to swallow when you spend money to get results, and then walk away without receiving what you paid for out of pocket.

      I hope the future is brighter for you.

      – Bonnie

  26. Hey Bonnie.

    Really great post.

    I never hired a coach before but it seems preposterous that a coach would say and act that way.

    That’s not cool and very unprofessional. The closest thing I gave to a coach is a program im a part of for Jon Morrow. And that group does nothing but encoueage and motivate.

    Learned a lot from your bad experience. Thanks for sharing.

    – Andrew
    Andrew recently posted…5 Proven Tactics to Kick Start a Successful Guest Posting CampaignMy Profile

    • Hi Andrew,

      Welcome back to my humble home. :)

      I’ve read many of Jon’s blog posts, and I have learned quite a lot from his insights. I have no doubts that he and his group are encouraging and motivating. He has the kind of personality that is electrifying and very pleasing, which is quite a combination.

      I’ve always believed that you attract what you put out to others, so I believe you’ll continue to learn from Jon and his followers, and enjoy every waking moment you spend within his community.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      – Bonnie

  27. Candace Chira says:

    That lady doesn’t even qualify to be a coach if she said that to you. Clearly she’s blind because otherwise she’d see all that you offer in the way of training, products, kindness, etc. I for one am so happy to hear that you’re back Bonnie. You are talented AND personable – a combo that many cannot offer.

    • Hi Candace,

      I’m sure she meant well, but her approach was off the mark. ;)

      I love helping others, and while I’ve taken three months to contemplate the idea of leading others, I haven’t been idle. I’ve been working on several new products, so when the bitterness subsided, I could pick up where I left off and offer additional training.

      Your friendship is a valuable blessing, and I thank you for your kind words of encouragement!

      – Bonnie

  28. Bonnie, it’s great to see you back blogging :) Long may it continue!

    As a “coach” (I’ve several certificates telling me I am :D ) I remember being horrified when you mentioned a public telling off and the subsequent email.

    There is a difference between coaching and mentoring. They use similar techniques and can sometimes overlap. But a true coaching relationship is all about empowering the client, helping them gain clarity, focus, guide them to a decision/action of their choosing and then hold accountable to their decision. Coaches don’t teach or direct – and as such need no experience in the client’s line of work.

    Mentors are different in that they have walked the walk, got the t-shirt and mug in a specific line of work/skill. They’re there to direct, open doors, create opportunities and generally share their knowledge to develop the mentee.

    Coaches are task orientated. Mentors are relationship and development orientated.

    Anyway, regardless of whether your coach was actually a coach, a mentor or a hybrid of the two, pulling you up in public is not accountability. Offering a scathing personal opinion via email is not the action of a coach or a good mentor.

    Both a coach and mentor will and should approach difficult subjects with you – the idea being that the client face any issues head on with support.
    With a coach, YOU may come to a decision that a particular path isn’t right for you. With a mentor, they may say in their opinion this path isn’t right for you and signpost you on to an alternative better-suited option.

    I’ve rambled enough :) I’m really pleased to see you back – you are an inspiration, not to mention bloody good at what you do too!
    Jan Kearney recently posted…Facebook News Feed: 7 Ways To Control What You SeeMy Profile

    • Jan,

      I read your message several times because I was completely unaware of the differences between a coach and mentor. I thank you for your explanation, and I am wiser for knowing you!

      Some people on Facebook are asking me why it took three months to post my message regarding this experience. The truth is, I was devastated and enraged by what happened

      Over the last three months, I tried several times to write this message, but every time I began typing, the feelings would swell up again, and I found myself engulfed with bitterness.

      I didn’t want to share that kind of message with others.

      I wanted my struggle to reveal what some individuals might do so others didn’t find themselves falling into a dark pit of despair based on what someone else said or did.

      I hope this message helps others from suffering the same turmoil I have experienced. I would never chastise a person to the point it made them feel like a child, which is how I felt.

      I want my fans to know I am there for them, whenever they need me, and when I show up, ready to serve, I will serve them with love, guidance, and understanding.

      Thank you for stopping by to share your comment. I’ve missed you!

      – Bonnie

  29. You know, that’s a really tough one. I remember when you were talking about this incident on FB and it made me cringe. I can’t even imagine a coach telling a client this. Honestly, as a coach, why would you discourage someone like that. You are there to mentor them, to help them get going. If a coach truly feels someone isn’t there yet, then their job should be to help them on their way. Not to put them down and cause them to feel defeated.

    Anyway, I’m glad you are back in the game. Best thing to do is to show that nut exactly how wrong they were!
    Misty Spears recently posted…Top 5 Reasons You Should Be Blogging with AuthenticityMy Profile

    • Yes, Misty – the last 3 months were brutal for me, but I’m elated because I’m back (more determined than ever) to prove this person wrong!

      I’ve missed talking with you and other friends I’ve made along the way. So, bear with me while I get back in the pool, getting used to the water once more. But most of all, thank YOU for your continued support!

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